El Jefe loves Wimbledon for the chicks
Strawberries and cream, being forcibly removed from the players’ bar and ogling Sharapova through my newly acquired Zeiss “sex-pest” grade binoculars. This is what Wimbledon means to me, but it wasn’t always that way. Let me take you back to a darker time in the history of the England Lawn Tennis club and my Wimbledon career. - El Jefe
It feels as though it were only yesterday when I, as a strapping chap full of beans, waltzed onto centre court. My spider senses were bubbling away with Navratilova lust that sweltering day, but the awkward cut of my the standard issue “eunuch-maker”, ball-boy shorts were ruining my chances of children, and to add insult to bean injury my alarming lack of any form of coordination was being televised to the world.
Navratilova might have won an impressive victory but I suffered both heart ache and groin strain as I crashed out of the competition. Today, there may be a distinct limp to my casual amble, but I still believe that my aggressively, noisy German temptress holds a candle for me. Though this is probably somewhere in between Ellen Degeneres and K.D.Lang.
I now join the Hordes of males gathering to watch in an embarrassed, voyeuristic silence as the latest Russian superstar stretches before the match.
Some might say that my standards are a little low, but you have to believe me when I tell you it was a different time. I can understand a readers’ scepticism given today’s plethora of beauties grunting and screaming their way around Wimbledon. Each one svelte, tanned and almost all with bread buttered ever so heterosexually.
I now join the hordes of males gathering to watch in an embarrassed, voyeuristic silence as the latest Russian superstar stretches before the match.
I’m not envious of today’s ball-boys, as I had my time out of the sun, alone, unsupervised in the women’s locker room. Disappointingly my tales of tournaments gone by tend to inspire pity and disgust amongst the current staff rather than the awe and wonder I had hoped. I’m sure that Henman will agree when I say that there seems to be little place for the veterans in today’s security camera ridden world.
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